Conceived in a dockside brothel, son of either pig farmer or continental trucker. Grew up in a barn with a one armed scarecrow mum. At seven discovered I could make my heart glow like ET. Mother sent me to work as a street lamp. Had an operation to remove the glow. Procedure was BEFORE anaesthetic was invented. My doctor found a conjoined twin growing in my head, which will be removed later this year. I´m calling him Derek The Conjoined Twin. He likes swimming and rugby. Apparently I also write all negative reviews, under assumed names. Seeking counseling on an ongoing basis for this problem.